Being a Creeper
One of my favorite Woody Allen films is Another Woman. In the movie, the protagonist, Gena Rowlands, is able to listen in on conversations from the apartment next to hers through a vent in the adjoining wall. The conversations are between a psycologist and his patients. One patient in particular, played by Mia Farrow, strikes our heroine’s interest. Her character’s life mirrors that of Rowlands’ character. And a bond that should never have existed is created.
I fucking love Woody Allen.
Not too long ago I met a boy named Harrison at a party. He was great, and we really hit it off. We went out a few times, connected decently enough ‘til we both decided to call it quits. For him, it had a lot to do with timing, he said. I was too complicated. I was deep. I was too much like girlfriend material. He was just getting out of a relationship. He needed to date some silly girls.
For me, it had a lot to do with him being too stoned to return a simple text. But we were both kinda bummed in our own ways. Even though we were both dating other people.
And on that note…
We were both being pretty honest about why we were calling it quits. And at one point he mentioned another girl, that he was seeing, Courtney:
“We talk about food and SpongeBob SquarePants.”
Apparently that trumped me. And I have to admit, I think about that line a lot.
- Because it’s vague and funny.
- Because it’s an odd reason to be interested in someone romantically.
- Because he picked Food & SpongeBob over me.
So it made me really curious about this girl. And like the creeper I am, I deduced from his Facebook who she was…and found her blog.
I feel like now is a good time to mention that I almost never think about Harrison. We promised to stay friends but neither of us made much of an effort. Whatever romantic feelings I felt for him dissipated quickly. Actually, the bullshit with Harrison was a contributing factor to me realizing how amazing/wonderful this other guy I was dating is. And who I am now dating exclusively… (brag, brag relationship brag).
I read Food & SpongeBob’s blog all the time. I know a lot about her and I occasionally see her talking about her casual-dating thing with Harrison. At first I read her blog because I wanted to make myself feel better by confirming her as retarded. Her writing is messy, and many of her posts ramble far away from her original point. But then, gradually, something changed.
Now, I really like her. Like, ‘I want to take her out for coffee’ like her. She’s become Another Woman and I’m starting to see similarities between us. We like the same kind of music and she even makes me laugh out loud. I attempt to tell myself I still don’t like her, but I always change my mind. And somehow, I’ve come to understand why Harrison likes her. She’s fun and light, silly and naïve. So now I’m also a little concerned for her, like maybe deep down she wants more from him than he is capable of giving.
I don’t want Courtney to have to deal with Harrison’s commitment issues. I mean, she talks about how she doesn’t want a boyfriend because she shoots guns and likes having the bed to herself, but it seems pretty clear she wants to be in a relationship. Maybe not a typical relationship, but probably more than what Harrison is capable of giving her at the moment.
Courtney seems like a free spirit, but also a little insecure—though she constantly makes great claims to suggest she is not. And although she also makes some ridiculous, privileged white girl comments, I can forgive her for this, because she listens to Shakira and loves her friends.
I’m not sure what the moral of this story is (except that I am creepy). But if I had to come up with a moral, here are two possibilities:
- Like Woody Allen’s characters, we are oddly curious about people we’ve never met. Be it appropriate curiosity or not. But it is kind of twistedly beautiful that I tried to hate this girl, tried to let her poor writing validate me as a superior woman or something, only to have all that tossed in my face. I’ve never taken rejection well, and even though I am very glad things didn’t work out with Harrison, I was still stung that he picked her over me. So for myself, I’ve come a little ways in my creepiness.
- Being able to admit to someone other than Caitlin that I am a creeper. Because we all do weird sketch shit. When was the last time you Facebook-stalked your ex? Hmmm??? …Okay, maybe I took Internet creeping to a new level… but who knows! Maybe she’s reading The Fear Girls as we speak. Maybe Harrison described our conversations as something equally odd and lame… though probably not. And maybe that’s a good thing.
But I’m going to keep reading her blog.