Porn! Not Just a Man’s Game Anymore?

by thefeargirls

By Siena Aguayo

The other day, I happened across some advice column where a woman mentioned that she had tried watching porn with her boyfriend as a way to spice up their sex life, amongst other things. The columnist’s response? “How open-minded of you!” And I said to myself, “Oh, right, people still think that women don’t watch porn, or shouldn’t watch porn, or some other antiquated bullshit like that.”

This, I think, goes hand-in-hand with women and masturbation. There are a lot of things to discuss here. The biggest question is, why do women masturbate less than men? And let’s not pretend like that isn’t true anymore. Women are still not as in touch with their bodies, sexually, as men are. At the very least, there are two sides to this problem. The first is that well, it’s a little harder to figure out what to do with a vagina, given no experience, than it is to figure out what to do with a penis. There’s only so many ways you can touch a penis, and hey, you simulate penetrating something, and bam, orgasm. Women are a little more subtle. You can stick things in it, sure, but unless you really know what you’re doing, you’re not going to achieve an orgasm just like that. No, it takes a deeper curiosity to discover the clitoris. It’s just like in the South Park movie. The search for the famed clitoris. (Is this directly related to how sex is portrayed in the media? All penetration and no love for the ladies? Yes. How else do impressionable youths learn about what sex is supposed to be like anyway?)

The second big reason women masturbate less is shame and guilt. Masturbation is pegged as dirty, unnatural, a sin. Girls who touch themselves are sluts. Sex is a man’s game, women have no place feeling sexual without a man present (see: all those age-old questions about how can lesbians have sex if neither of them has a penis?). Because of these stigmas, girls still don’t try. And you know what that translates into? Girls who do not know how to pleasure themselves cannot tell a partner what they like best in bed, and that will create frustration for both parties. If you don’t know how to get yourself off, how can you expect someone else to figure it out for you?

Right, but we were supposed to be talking about porn. Porn. Should we, as women, not watch porn because most of it is degrading to women? This is a question I have struggled with myself, and save for the really bad rape-like porn (I’m looking at you, Japan), I don’t find most porn to be demeaning to women. What I get out of porn is identifying with those women. She feels good, I feel good. She has the same parts I do, and I know how those parts work. If the woman doesn’t look like she’s having a good time, then of course that’s a turnoff. I also don’t get anything out of watching just blowjobs. I don’t know what getting a blowjob feels like, so it’s hard for me to relate. I don’t actually need a man to be present in my porn at all, and really, sometimes the videos I like the best don’t feature men, but rather one or more woman experiencing her own pleasure.

What with the Internet and speedy connections and more and more high school kids getting their own laptops, current and future generations have access to tons of porn, right at their fingertips. It’s an important time to figure out your sexual preferences, because like I said before, how can somebody do what makes you feel good if you don’t know what that is?

Granted, this is just all my personal opinion, and I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who have plenty of their own reasons for not liking porn. I just wish people would stop acting so damn surprised that women do consume pornography, and that more women would realize that there might be something out there that they like, too. And just for the heck of it, I will say that more porn that caters to a woman’s pleasure would be a good idea, too.

Further reading: There is a surprisingly detailed Wikipedia article about the divide amongst feminists over porn.


Siena graduated from Oberlin College, majoring in East Asian Studies (Japanese) and English, so, of course now she works for a software company. She loves language, correcting other people’s grammar, and putting commas in all the right places. She hopes one day to live her dream of being a Japanese translator/interpreter, but is content for now living the life in Silicon Valley. A Los Angeles native, she enjoys computers, fashion, delicious food, and video games. She is also Sophia’s cousin.

Her fear is that she will somehow compromise on becoming the woman she has always wanted to be.